Meditation?
I’d rather sleep.
I have no idea what attracts other people to meditation or Buddhism for that matter, but for me, it was an attempt at soft self-annihilation, discarding the pieces of me I saw as weaknesses.
Inner peace was a nice coverup, like an alibi for a murder yet to come, only I sought to kill the parts of me that did not fit with the ideal I sought.
I got good. At first, it would take hours, then an hour, till I only took five minutes to turn it on, to sink into the oblivion of thoughtlessness, only to awaken with a disdain for my every weakness and obsession, I felt above, and not just above others, no I felt above myself.
Still, in the end, it was useless. Like maggots to a bone my weaknesses still clung to me.
So I slept. With one nap I could reach the same nothingness, and get some rest to boot. Maybe the lesson here is meditation or no you cannot destroy yourself, either that or getting enough rest is important.
